This is 40 Over 40… meet Justine
Justine came into the campaign looking for a way to really step into, and celebrate her body.
Living with an energy-sucking neurological disorder since her teens, Justine told me that she felt she was on the verge of ‘losing her girlhood’ while ‘never having enjoyed the so-called fruits of womanhood’. She wanted to step out of her comfort zone and create some artistic nude images - but was also very scared of the thought of actually doing that!
We talked about the difference between being naked and being nude, the history of classic art being the nude female form, and ways in which we could celebrate and document her body without feeling like a bug on a pin. We wanted to create an energy of joy, celebration, whimsy and art around her images, after all, Justine is a beautifully talented artist herself. And throughout it all, the experience of the shoot itself had to feel uplifting - safe, playful and the kind of memories she would want to revisit.
Finding a balance between feeling safe, over-exerting herself physically, creating some clothed images she could gift her parents, and truly seeing herself liberated and free in her naked form was a beautiful co-creative process. The day of her shoot there was lots of laughter, short naps, big courage and even dancing.
Justine has granted permission for some of her images to be shared here, and on my website and other platforms, for which I am grateful. Some of the images you’ll never see here, or anywhere on my platforms, are for her only, and are also some of my favourite work.
Elizabeth Gilbert once wrote, in Big Magic that ‘every human being has a story that would rip your heart right open’ and when I read that, my heart knew it to be true. It’s something I believe in deeply. I think Justine’s shoot will always be memorable to me because she came with the intention of creating something beautiful for her own benefit - so that she could see the magic she knew was there all along on the days it was most hidden from her view.
As part of the experience of the campaign, each of the 40 women featured were asked to share their thoughts in response to 10 questions, as I want to share each woman’s story, in her own words, and show that we are so much more than just pretty pictures.
Here’s what Justine has to say…
What is 'beautiful' to you? What do you think that means? And when do you feel most beautiful?
I think beauty is a purity and honesty of expression of the beingness of a thing. I feel most beautiful when I am expressing something true with clarity and someone shows me that they see me and appreciate me.
What are you most looking forward to as you get older?
I'm most looking forward to letting in simple confidence, flexibility to change and courage to claim my space.
If you had the chance to say something to your younger self, what would it be?
You often know what you think, but when you are seeking direction, remember to count your own view as strongly as you do others'. When you speak an opinion strongly, you will likely have done a lot of thinking to get to that point. But other people can be emphatic without that much thought. They may be very confident in their views, but they may still be wrong, or wrong for you. You see more subtleties, nuances, details and points of view than many people do. Listen to and understand your heart and your quiet inner knowing, as well as using your reasoning, when you are seeking direction. And if you get this message in Year 10 – your art teacher who is going on and on about pulling up your socks and putting in the work and taking your studies more seriously actually isn't talking to you, though you are probably the only one in your class who is listening! You can stop listening to him griping, stop trying so hard and just enjoy doing art!
Do you have a significant moment when you started to love / value yourself?
I am fortunate that I grew up with parents who loved and valued me, so it was natural for me to love and value myself. However, as I faced the headwind of living with a chronic illness that wiped out many opportunities to express my skills and talents, I had to learn to love my body too. Until my late 20s, I pushed my body as hard as I could, so that I could do as much as I possibly could. Even so, I was unable to do a quarter of the normal and expected things in life. I was trying so hard, but unwittingly was being hard and harsh to myself. At that point, prompted by a wise doctor, I stopped pushing myself every moment of every day. I began to listen to my body and emotions, and to learn how to live with my more natural energy level. Although I do even less than before, I feel like I am living more. Instead of feeling like my body is against me, I now feel that she is doing her best for me. I think that was a significant moment which has continued to grow as I continue to tune in to and respect my whole self. I want to acknowledge and thank the handful of special people who have had faith in me and shared their wisdom with me over the years.
How has your relationship to the role of Motherhood changed you?
Growing up, I expected I'd have kids. In my 20s I hoped to have kids. In my 30s I feared I wouldn't have kids. Now, well, I've accepted I won't have kids. I allow myself to still feel my belonging to that feminine capacity in the human race. I acknowledge to myself that I have the energy of mothering in me. I quietly think about women throughout history who haven't been mothers and all the reasons this can happen. I love being Aunty, which isn't the same, but has some of the same heart.
If you could be the woman of your dreams - who would you be? Tell me about her…
She is living in an abundance and fullness of love of all kinds. She is creating wonderful places and buildings for people that support their well being. She has holidays at archaeological digs in interesting places. She is in tune with the cycle of day and night. She lives in a little house close to the natural environment, in a community where people are friendly and have time to connect. She plays music, sings and dances. She is relaxed and responsive and doesn't get caught up in artificial needs. She has a dynamic balance of input and output, novelty and mundanity, activity and restoration, giving and receiving, togetherness and aloneness. She is easily generous and hospitable.
In what ways do you feel like you've gotten better with age? What are the gifts of ageing?
I am better at using less force on myself and operating with more ease, which feels a better way to live. I am better at accepting that what my body needs, it needs. I hope I've gotten better at listening and loving.
Gifts of ageing: finding more and more people who realise that some things cannot be overcome by wanting them harder, believing harder or working harder.
What legacy do you want to leave? If you weren't here tomorrow, how do you want to be remembered?
I'd like to be remembered as being someone who would meet others in an open and honest way, who loved well, who was creative and encouraged others in their creativity, who was both grounded and imaginative, sensible and sensitive, practical and fun, who had good relationships and a gentle freedom to not conform, and who was kind and wise. I better live a while yet!
And lastly - in your own words, tell me your story…
I love to understand the nature of things, to express this understanding creatively, and to connect with others. This expresses itself in many ways - anything from designing my North facing windows and awnings to let the Winter sun flood in while keeping the Summer sun out , to leading a horse joined by nothing but attention and goodwill, to writing and illustrating children's books.
My story is also about someone who has talents, skills and motivation, but is limited to a tiny amount of expression. I have a chronic illness, ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis), and have had it since my teens. The easiest way to describe my experience with ME is that I'm like a mobile phone with a battery that can't charge more than 10% (but which also has a lot of great apps!). It won't take much imagination to see that this would have a major impact on everything in life. I have learned (and continue to learn!) how to listen to my body and respect her, and to find a way past disappointments to live a joyful life.
I love when I can be daughter, sister, friend, and especially Aunty. I'd love to love a man. I love designing and making clothes, furniture, pottery, stories and pictures. I'd love to design and make houses. I love to play music. I'd love to dance and sing and act. I am still me when I can only be quiet, still and alone.
In many ways, I have been invisible to the world through isolation caused by having ME. I love being included in this project, to hold a place among these 40 Over 40 women, a place for women whose stories are going way off script, whose stories may mean they remain mostly unseen, and most especially, to participate in this celebration of the beauty of living.
I wanted to do this project to honour my me-body for bringing me this far. And to honour that I have done the work to get to this point fairly whole and balanced, with my curiosity, creativity and willingness to love intact. I wanted to have a record of this part of my life.
The photoshoot turned out to be a celebration in itself. The photos from that day show me something wonderful about my whole self – body, mind and spirit.
And if you are wondering how such wonderful pictures can be made on a 10% battery... it took weeks of preparation and weeks of recovery, Fiona's own energy that she brought to the photoshoot in abundance, and her patience as it took ten months to bring this project to what you see here.
Thank you, Fiona, for opening the way for this wonderful experience.
Want to be part of the campaign?
If you want to be part of the 40 Over 40 project, head over here to read all the details or, go ahead and book your Consult Call. Maybe check out our current campaign all about celebrating your body and discovering your confidence, The Every/Body Campaign - head over there now, I can’t wait to take you through this experience x
With Love + Light, Fiona 🖤
